Diary of an Extended Breastfeeding Mom: Month 14

My Top 4 Reasons I Hate Pumping at Work

1 - Meeting Calendars

I’ve taken many a call during my work pump sessions — even found myself recorded on a sales call once. Whoops. Though I have a calendar set, meetings still come through over my scheduled time. I know I’m supposed to “make my needs known,” but after a time, it’s exhausting to have to explain my unavailability or constantly ask for the in-person meeting to have a conference number so I can dial in.

I mean, it is 2019, and #timesup and #normalizebreastfeeding and all that. Should I make my pump schedule part of my email signature? What about adding it to my LinkedIn as part of my “skills” section? As a classic INFJ, loudly proclaiming my personal needs in the workplace is a very real nightmare. Happy to do it for someone else - hands down, will march on the front line for motherhood. But for myself? Not a chance. I’m exhausted, and I have more important things to deal with (like the distractions below, specifically.)

2 - Cleaning parts.

Washing breast pump parts is a breeze, but it’s the mind rant that comes with cleaning parts while tired that gets to me. At work, I choose to pump in a mother’s nursing room that gets less traffic. This room is less popular with the other office moms because it doesn’t have a sink. There is one nearby in the office break room, so it’s not a big deal to me to step out when I’m finished to clean up. However, in addition to the time it takes to get this tedious task over with, I also fixate on an internal social dilemma that goes something like this:

Internal monologue:

“Oh, there’s Blah Blah from Yada Yada Department.

What could That Look mean?

Are they giving me That Look because I’m washing parts that touched my breast milk in the shared break room sink; the same sink used to wash their coffee mug?

Is it because they think I must not be busy that I get to lackadaisically clean these parts over and over again?

Or am I getting This Look because I put on my blouse inside out again?

Oh no, did I button up!?”

*Checks self. Sighs with relief.*

This is what I mentally go through every time I clean my parts in the office. For me, this stress alone is reason enough to quit pumping altogether.

3 - Individual pumping rooms.

Currently, I have access to private pumping rooms at work. They’re beautiful and full of great stuff, like a comfy chair, microwave for cleaning, and a dedicated storage refrigerator. These spaces are great to house everything a pumping mom needs to be comfortable. But if the room is in use, and your milk is inside, understandably, you cannot get to it. There’s been many a night where I’ve had to leave my hard-earned milk stash at work because the room was in use. Had I only remembered to run into the room beforehand! (facepalm) When you’re on the clock to pick up the kids, this is very stressful. Especially when baby’s milk menu for tomorrow is locked in an occupied pumping room. For a long time, this exact moment would trigger my milk to letdown and I would bolt for my car, driving like a madwoman to get to my baby. Today, I just leave my milk for tomorrow and go home. My baby is a big girl and I’ve realized she is fine to use what I have in the freezer.

As I searched for answers on how to make this better, I reached out to an IBCLC for guidance. I was told that to increase my supply, I would need to pump four times during my work day; for me, that’s two hours every day. This defeating reality just made me hunker down on what I could do: I would pump less. I decided to remove the guilt and focus on having one 30-minute pump session each day at work. I would also continue to reverse cycle/nurse on demand whenever I was with baby. To sustain this commitment, I added a conversation with my boss about no overnight work travel until baby was one year old. Luckily, this was possible for me, and this month I am going on my first overnight work trip since Baby 3 arrived.

The best part about breast milk feeding at this stage this (third) time, is how confident and comfortable I am (now) with this routine. At the beginning, I remember the panic, the worry, the cold sweat anxiety about basically everything. Breastfeeding now is easy — and it’s certainly less messy than mealtime with a toddler. What’s not easy, however, is pumping. It never has been for me. I mean, it’s easier than, say, jogging or the latest Peloton routine. But, as a mom who also has a full-time job, pumping at work isn’t roses, and I’m thrilled to say goodbye to this part of our story.